I'm Never Alone, Yet Not Alone

I am much too alone in this world, yet not alone enough to truly consecrate the hour. I am much too small in this world, yet not small enough to be to you just object and thing, dark and smart. I want my free will and want it accompanying the path which leads to action; and want during times that beg questions, where something is up, to be among those in the know, or else be alone. I want to mirror your image to its fullest perfection, never be blind or too old to uphold your wieghty wavering reflection. I want to unfold. Nowhere I wish to stay crooked, bent; for there I would be dishonest, untrue. I want my conscience to be true before you; want to describe myself like a picture I observed for a long time, one close up, like anew word I learned and embraced, like the everyday jug, like my mother's face, like a ship that carried me along through the deadliest storm.

Love is Like Waiting for A Bus

I was standing in the bus stop at my place waiting for a bus to going somewhere.. After a couple of minutes, I saw a bus coming.
When the bus came, I looked at it and said to myself, “eeee… so full…cannot sit down one”, “I’ll wait for the next one.”

So I let the bus go and waited for the second bus. Then the second bus came, I looked at it and said, “eeee…this bus so old… surely very uncomfortable one.” So I let the second bus go and decided to wait for the next bus.

After a while, another bus came. It’s not crowded and not old but I said, “eeee… no air-condition one…and the weather is so warm, better wait for the next one. So again I let the bus go and decided to wait for the next bus. Then the sky started to get dark as it is getting late. I panicked and jumped on to the next coming bus. It is not until much later that I found out that I had boarded on to the wrong bus! Got down at some appropriate stop and hired a taxi payed him thrice the money and finally reached, Thus I wasted my time and money waiting for what I want! Even if an air-conditioned bus would have come next, can I ensure that the air-conditioned bus won’t break down or will the air-conditioned be working fine?

So people.. I want to make sure that what We Want Is Not Wrong. But it wouldn’t hurt to give other people a chance, right? If I find that the “bus” doesn’t suit me, I would just press the red button and get off the bus! But wait…I am sure all of us have this experienced this before. I saw a bus coming (the bus I want of course), I flagged at it and the driver acted blur by pretending not seeing Me and zoomed pass !

The bottom line of being loved is like waiting for a bus and whether I want to get on the bus and give the bus a chance depends totally on Me and walking alone is just like being out of love If you love someone set him/her free. If he/she comes back to you, you know they are yours. If they don’t then it was never meant to be. Remember to always say what You mean. If you love someone, tell. Don’t be afraid to express it yourself. Reach out and tell someone what he or she means to You. Because when you decide that it is the right time, it might be too late. Seize the day. Never have regrets.

When you Scream Like Someone just Died

Youv tried your best to let go something you loved so much. And you let it go , closing those tearful eyes. You try to look the other the way. You try to let the feeling go. But the feeling takes control of you. You cant look away. And when you look back to the thing you loved. You wondered why you waited so long. Your face looked bright. You heard the flapping of the wings behind you. You knew it came back. But when you look back, its gone. The organisim that you used to love is gone. You regret letting the thing go. You cry for it to come back. You pound your head, you scrath youself, you tear out your flesh partley, you scream like someone just died....... but whatever you do it doesnt come back. You forgot how it looks. You forget the sound of the flapping wings. All you think about is how its doing in the cruel world. So whatever you do dont let something precious go. Or you will die of dreppesion.

Everyone was born to HURT

Why hurt yourself? Why cut your own body as if it wasn't hurting enough with the heartbreak? Does it really feel good or are you just drowning under the influence of the media or role models you look up to that hurt themselves when things go wrong?

Here is my advice to those beautiful people whose lives went 'all wrong', to the intelligent beings who 'can't catch a break'.

It is not the end of the world.

Why waste your time, creasing your face in sorrow and spilling hot tears down your cheeks over someone who can't see how valuable you really are? God has a plan for all of us, a script if you will. Everyone was born to LIVE. Everyone was born to LOVE. Everyone was born to HURT. Because we are only HUMAN, and as humans we must be reminded of the challenges and hardships to earn the right of walking on this Earth.

Your fated other is out there, born for YOU. If you keep hanging your head that lovely person is going to walk right by you without noticing the beauty of your soul.

"Keep your head up, hold it high, look at the world, straight in the eye." - unknownmind

SILENCE IN THE CAB

I'm woke up late in the morning- so i got paranoid to complete my task this day. MULTI-TASKING is my job. FACEBOOK'hahaha but i dont think if i was really happy having this kind of job, but i need to work hard- just for my own needs- for my mom to prove that i can do more than what she expect to me. It's a brave morning yard. After taking bath i put a cologne just to keep me smell good. I admit that im not that super great smells. I have similarity with my dads personality. A bored boy who dreams for somthing SMALL- just for his family. It was 8:13 o'clock, i need to be hurry. I texted our HR.to update what time im arrive in our office. Standing beside the street whil waiting for a cab.

A minute, there was a gurl who wear great dress, a girl with a blonde hair, it's raining she doesnt even have umbrella to keep herself from the rain, so i ask her where was her location.

ME: hi, your too wet. were you goin?
GURL: hmm (she stair at me) VALERO. why?
ME: oh, (great eyes) that was near from my office. would you like to come with me?
GURL: sure?
ME: yah, im late, so you want?
GURL: okay,c'mon.


We ride in a cab together. I give her my handkerchief just to make her dry. Her voice is great,so lovely, i was with her while looking outside the street. It's almost 8:45, we keep silence, and then suddenly she speak.


GURL: by the way thanks. (give her hand to me)
ME: oh, no problema, its my pleasure.
GURL: okay.


9:34 when we reach our building, i open the door of cab to goin down-i hand her next to me. She smile and then I ask to send her in the office.but she cant. She said that im too much late and i have to hurry. TIME IS TOO SMALL SO I DECIDED TO GO FIRST. SAYING bye. This is not the first time i was with someone everytime i went to our office. Is this destiny or it is only meant to be? Anyway im late so i have to go.


But im so stupid, why i always forgot to ask their names-everytime ive encounter somebody else outside.

This is Me

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with "Do it By 10's". At the end, choose 15-35 people to be tagged.

Be honest, you know your friends will comment and write something if they think you're lying.

TEN ARE YOUs

1. Are you single – yes yes yes
2. Are you happy –  no no no
3. Are you bored – i like being myself-im not emo- im just alone-
4. Are you white –  yes
5. Are you Italian – No
6. Are you intelligent – idk
7. Are you honest – im a lier
8. Are you nice – if your nice
9. Are you Irish –  no.
10. Are you Asian –  Yeah !


TEN FACTS
1. Full Name – Lee "bengbeng" Arr
2. Nicknames –  lee, teng, bengbeng, lalala, master.
3. Birth place – my moms wound
4. Hair color - blonde
5. Natural hair style -  bangs
6. Currently living at –  The peninsula-
7. Birthday –  November 25, 1992
8. Mood –   uknown, depressed, bored.
9. Favorite color –  gray
10. One Place you'd like to visit – U.S.A


TEN THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE
1. Have you ever been in love – EWAN
2. Do you believe in love at first sight – NO.
3. Do you currently have a crush? – I DONT CARE
4. Have you ever been hurt emotionally – IDK
5. Have you ever broken someone's heart  -- IDK
6. Have you ever had your heart broken – I FORGOT SOB* SOB*
7. Have you ever liked someone but never told them –  YES.
8. Are you afraid of commitment – I JUST DONT LIKE IT.
9. Who was the last person you hugged – TEDDY(MY STUFF TOY)
10. Who was the last person you said I love you to? – I DONT SAY I LOVE YOU.

TEN THIS OR THAT
1.   Love or lust – FOOD
2. Hard liquor or beer –  SODA
3. Cats or dogs – MONKEY
4. A few best friends or any regular friends - NO FRIENDS.
5. Creamy or Crunchy – CREAMY-
6. Pencil or Pen – PENCIL-IT HAS ALWAYS AN ERASER
7. Wild night out or romantic night in –  WORSE NIGHT EVER
8. Money or Happiness – MONEY
9. Night or day – NIGHT
10. IM or phone -  IM

TEN HAVE YOU EVER
1. Been caught sneaking out-  IDK
2. Seen a polar bear –  YEAH,WITH HIS WIFE
3. Done something you regret – I REGRET WHEN FALLING INLOVE
4. Bungee jumped – YES. I LIKE IT WHEN I DEPRESSED
5. Eaten food that fell on the floor – NO.IT'S JUST A WASTE OF TIME.
6. Finished an entire jaw breaker –  IDK
7. Been caught naked – NO.IM SENSITIVE.
8. Wanted an ex bf/gf back – NOTHING.
9. Cried because you lost a pet- NO.I KILL THEM BEFORE.
10. Wanted to disappear –  I NEVER EXIST.

TEN PREFERENCES IN A PARTNER
1. Smile or eyes – SMILE.
2. Light or dark hair – LIGHT
3. Hugs or kisses – SEX HAHAHA
4. Shorter or taller – I DONT CARE
5. Intelligence or attraction – INTELLIGENCE
6. Hot Topic or Hollister – HOT TOPIC
7. Funny or serious –  SERIOUS.
8. Older or Younger –  OLDER-BUT IVE ALWAYS HAD YOUNGER THAN ME.
9. Outgoing or quiet -  QUIET
10. Sweet or Bad – BADSWEET


TEN HAVE YOUS
1. Ever performed in front of a large crowd -  YES.
2. Ever talked on the phone for longer than an hour - YES. TALKIN TO MYSELF.
3. Ever tried walking on your hands – I WILL TRY.
4. Ever been to a rock concert –  NO.I HATE NOISE PLAY.
5. Ever been on a cheer leading team? – I DONT DANCE.
6. Ever went skinny dipping? – IT DPEND.
7. Ever been on a blind date – NO.
8. Ever went ice skating – YES.I TRIED TO SWIM
9. Ever owned a BMW, Mercedes Benz,Volvo, Escalade, Hummer or Bentley? – THIS DECEMBER.YAY.
10. Ever been in a circus? – YES.


10 WOULD YOU RATHERS
1. Go bungee jumping or cliff diving? – BUNGEE JUMPING- IT FEELS GOOD WHEN YOU ARE DEPRESSED
2. Watch a Horror Film or a Chic Flick? – I ALSO SEEN REAL GHOST.
3. Go to Hawaii or Aspen? – NEVERMIND
4. Play spin the bottle or truth or dare? –  TRUTH OR DARE-AND IVE ALWAYS BUSTED.
5. Cheat or be caught cheating? – NO.
6. Read or watch? – READ.
7. Text or Call? – I DONT USE PHONE FOR TEXTING OR CALLS.I USED PHONE BECAUSE OF MY MOM AND MOBILE FACEBOOK.
8. Sing a Rebecca Black Song or a Justin Bieber Song? - HAHAHAHA
9. Quiet and Happy or Loud but Hurting? – QUIET BUT IT HURTING
10. Go on Facebook or Tumblr? – TUMBLR.IT'S MY JOB.


10 RANDOM FACTS.
1. I LIKE POTATOES
2. I ALWAYS LOCK MYSELF IN MY ROOM.
3. I HATE NOISE.
4. I HATE CHOCOLATES.
5. I DONT CARE ABOUT YOU
6. I LOVE MY FAMILY-BUT THEY HATE ME.
7. I LIKE WALKIN IN THE RAIN.
8. I LOVE EATING-MORE RICE.
9. I LIKE BEING WEIRD
10. IM SENSITIVE, I KILL PEOPLE.


10 LASTS
1. Last phone call you made – MOM
2. Last person you hugged  -- MY PET. HE'S JUDAS AND THAT WAS 2 MONTHS AGO.
3. Last person(s) you hung out with –  MY CHILDHOOD FRIEND
4. Last time you worked – HIDDEN KILLER.
5. Last person you tackled – MY PET.
6. Last person you IM'd---  UNKNOWN.
7. Last person you texted – MOM
8. Last person(s) you went to the movies with? – OLDER SISTER.
9. Last person you webcammed with? – ITS NOT ME.
10. Last persons/things you missed – MY HOUSE.

There's Always Gonna be that One Boy

theres always gonna be that one guy. you know. that boy who could make you smile no matter how pissed you were at your best friend. the one who you could stay up all night texting and go to school the next day surving on an hour or two of sleep. the boy who warms your heart .... and your body by sharing his big, cumfy hoodies. the boy whos smile touches you deeply, and laugh you love to listen to. theres always that one boy who you turn to. the one boy you could hold hands with 24/7. the boy you get in trouble for, because you just HAD to sneak out to see him. the boy who kisses you just right, and you fit so perfectly in his arms. theres always gonna be that ONE boy who has to turn his back. no matter how much love you give him, he gives up. theres always gonna be that one boy who hurts you so bad you go numb. that one boy you can't get over... there's always gonna be that one boy.

I can sit here with you forever

I can sit here with you forever. I don't need to touch you. I don't need to hear your voice. I don't even have to look at you. As long as I know that you are here besides me. If I can smell your scent that I've grown to adore more than that of roses, hear you breathe and feel your warmth in the air around me, I'll be happy all my life...

Does heaven have a phone number?

Mommy went to heaven but I need her here today.My tummy hurts and I fell down;I need her right away.Operator, can you tell me how to find her in this book? Is heaven in the yellow part? I don't know where to look.I think my daddy needs her too,

at night I hear him cry. I hear him call her name sometimes, but I really don't know why. Maybe if I call her, she will hurry home to me. Is heaven very far away? Is it across the sea? She's been gone a long, long time- she needs to come home now! I really need to reach her. I simply don't know how. Help me find the number, please.

Is it listed under "heaven"? I can't read these big, big words; I am only seven. I'm sorry, operator, I didn't mean to make you cry. Is your tummy hurting too-- or is there something in your eye? If I call my church maybe they will know. Mommy said when we need help that's where we should go. I found the number to my church tacked up on the wall. Thank you, operator I'll give them a call. I cried so much

The Worst Feeling in the World

I think that's what's wrong with the world; no one says what they really feel, they always hold it inside. They're sad, but they don't cry. They're happy, but they don't dance or sing. They're angry, but they don't scream. Because if they do, they feel ashamed and that's the worst feeling in the world. So everyone walks with their heads down and no one sees how beautiful the sky is.

the BIGGEST impact in someones life

every girl dreams that one day she will find a boy that does these things for her. even the smallest action can have the BIGGEST impact in someones life:

• give her one of your t-shirts to sleep in.

• leave her cute text notes.

• kiss her in front of your friends.

• tell her she looks beautiful.

• look into her eyes when you talk to her.

• let her mess with your hair.

• touch her hair.

• just walk around with her.

• forgive her for her mistakes.

• look at her like she`s the only girl you see.

• tickle her even when she says stop.

• hold her hand when you`re around your friends.

• when she starts swearing at you, tell her you love her.

• let her fall asleep in your arms.

• get her mad, then kiss her.

• tease her and let her tease you back.

• stay up all night with her when she`s sick.

• watch her favorite movie with her.

• kiss her forehead.

• give her the world.

• write her letters.

• let her wear your clothes.

• when she`s sad, hang out with her.

• let her know she`s important.

• let her take all the photos she wants of you.

• kiss her in the pouring rain.

• when you fall in love with her, tell her.

• and when you tell her, love her like you`ve never loved someone before.

A Friend’s Promise

 if you need to talk,i'll listen.
if you need to cry,i'll hold you.
if you feel lost,i'll help guide you.
if you need to be angry,i'll let you.
if youre feeling afraid,i'll conmfort you.
if youre feeling attacked,i'll be your defense.
if you need to lean awhile,ill gve you a shoulder.
if youre feeling unsure,ill be your confidence.
if your feeling alone,ill be the friend who wont leave you.
if you need to learn to trust again,ill prove to you that you can.