A Big Dream for this Complicated World

I didn't talk to the people behind our home and it takes 2 weeks ago before I've been in a happy mood. There are people i lived with inside the apartment. But I think I am not belong to stay there. I wake up early in the morning just to go to my office to work hard. I cook my owned food and prepared for my lunch,,,i should eat first before i came out here. wanting and missing my mom that before when i wake up in the morning the food is ready i just have to sit and then eat in the dining area,unlike now that id be very dependent man in my life. Ive been office for how many year maybe i was 2 years in our company. The last time that i eat real food is last 3weeks ago and it was my dad's birthday. We flight for the province because of this kinds of celebrations.But im with myself,always,eveyrday and forever. I know that everybody doesnt deserve me in theier lives that one day I need to be left from them as one of their companion. Me with myself this time,I'm in work. making a multi tasking. Thinking about my future, my dreams, my family and my life.. People always notice my being silence. Someobdy say 'hey,are you talking?'but i just ignore them. Me with myself alone forever. I eat alone in the table and nobody was there to cooked me a food-to serve me a plate with real food. I miss those moments when my mom only call me just to eat and then after awhile.nothing. i just stay in my room, i'm not watching television much. most of the time i was in my room, writing, sketching and then listening to the saddest song ever. It was me with a scars in my foot a signs of the chance while i was in a coma before. 2010 when i start to go far away from my parents, i should have to leave and then find my own escape. This is me the man who has a big dream for this complicated world. When i was in a flight, I think about everything in my past life, specially when i was a little kids playing is the only thing i know. I didnt meant to hurt this feelings of mine but i cant control the falling tears from ym eyes. I cried a little bit, a little more wanting to go back in my past life being child. I'm twenty now a big man with a big dream. I asked myself: 'i'm a big man now,I look mature now but why is it still hard to reach my dreams?' and then i get my bag to get a drinks. I'm thirst, i never thought that its goin to be a complicated life for me. When my mom and my dad asking me to catch their dreams.I said yes.I want it. and I can make it.I know. But when i was there,i realize, its really hard. Not all the things ive seen using my eyes i will get, most of them, are needed to work harder to get that things. It's not like writing in a bond of a paper and then when you think its wrong you can erase it but life is so much harder than i know. Right now, Im asking god to take care of me, to guide me whenver and wherever i will be. I didnt talk for a long time and this silence means everything to me.,this silence was the loudest cry i made and this silence is the only way to defeat from the enimies and hates,I know this life and I got it in my Dreams..
to be continue...

MARK LEE WORDS

MARK LEE WORDS

1. Every day, I look back in and think 'look how far I've come'. That's what keeps me going.
2. the people you take for granted , are the ones you will miss the most.
3. Remember: "You are the writer of your own story, other people help you to open the next page."
4. Never be afraid to try something new because life gets boring when you stay within the limits of what you already knew.
5. A broken promises is as good as a lie
6. Life’s not about people who act true to your face. It’s about people who remain true behind your back.
7. people ask me why it's so hard to trust people,and i ask them why is it so hard to keep a promise
8. sometimes all you can do is walk away, hide your tears, and just pretend you're okay
9. i'm not sure what scares me more, that you will never start loving me or that i will never stop loving you.
10. to be old and wise, you must first have to be young and stupid
11. Silence is a boys loudest cry
12. Sometimes we expect more from others, cause we would be willing to do that much for them..
13. It's funny how in the end, you always go back, to the ones that have been there from the very beginning-just like how you treated your mom..
14. sometimes, I wish you'd pay more attention to my favorite
15. songs because the lyrics sing words i'm too scared to say.
16. dear Past, thanks for all the lessons. dear Future, I'm ready.
17. find something worth dying for, then live for it....

The Perfect Place To Say Goodbye

It's the last day i will meet the morning
The last fresh air that can hug me close today
I know this will be the last time I've seen the blue skies in the morning
And when afternoon come it would be the last time i am goin to eat lunch.
The family, friends, people, things i called my favorite
The last chance that i can see them clearly in my eyes
I admit that someday the world will forget about me
Will soon erase in the peoples memory just few of them stay
The last time i can used my tooth brush in the kitchen.
The last chance i could tell my mom how much i love her
How much i love my family and the whole part of my life
This will be the last time i ever know how to breathe
The air that comes from my soul calling by my name
The last tears that could fall apart run down from my face
The last word i could ever tell for everyone else know me
The last hug i could receive from the people who really loves me
The last story i can write in my diary
Written about what happen each day by day
I know people will never ever wanted me to stay
The last lvoe i could ever feel by someone i dont know if real.
The last enimies i could hear from them voice saying stupid jerk about me.
The perfect goodbye i could tell to everyone
This is what ive dreamed before,
The perfect world to come along with me alone
No people ive seen crying, no roses threw in my burial
The last testament that tells where the things come from when im gone
I love them, i love everybody and i love those people i will met tomorrow, for the next day and for the coming year or decades that i never make friends with them.
I am happy now, I am satisfied being nothing.
I'm done about crying each night when im alone
I'm done listening to the voice of the people who hates me
and I'm done being tired for the fuckin feelings i never explain anymore.
The last breathe that people feel
this is the perfect goodbye
This is the perfect life
Because life is for everybody
and not meant for me.
Goodbye.

I Miss my Teenage Life

Noon ang buhay ko,sobrang saya, bonding time sa mga kaibigan ko,uuwi kahit anong oras gusto, kahit napapagalitan ng magulang-okay lang-pero hindi ko kahit kelan sinisi ang magulang ko,mahal ko sila mula pa nung matuto akong tumayo at magkaron ng isip-hinding hindi ko sila ipagpapalit kahit kanino man-kung papipiliin man ako kung sino sa pagibig o pamilya-natural na pamilya ang pipiliin ko-kase knug talgang mahal ako ng taong yun-tatanggapin nya ang pamilya ko at igagalang nya ang disisyon ko-khit ano man agn mangyari.

Pagaaral lang ang lagi kong pinoproblema noon,kapag gusto ko lumiban sa klase-isang excuse letter lang-ligtas na naman ako sa exams, wala akong ibang ginagawa kundi-laskwatsa ang isipin-kung saan na aman ang tambayan, kung ano kaya ang masarap na baunin-saan pwede pumunta-kahit ano pa man-kapag me kagalt ako-hindi ko pinapansin-sila na din mismo kase ang lumalapit at humihingi ng tawad sakin-sabagay sila naman lagi me mali kaya sila nga dapat ang humingi ng tawad.

Sa bahay, kahit naman madami akong obligasyon-hindi parin ako pinbabayaan ng magulang ko, sobrang mahal ako ng papa ko at ramdam ko yun-ako pa nga ang paborito nya ee-sabi yun ng mga kapatid ko at mama ko, si mama kahit wala yan pakialam sakin-mahal din ako nyan-me mga pagkakataon lang talga na-hindi ko siya kayang unawain-sdahil siguro sa bata pa ako kung magisip noon.kahit nga binibigyan ko sya lagi ng sama ng loob-hindi nya parin nakayang talikuran ako-bilang anak nya at bilang isa sa bahagi ng buhay nya-ang sarap sa pakiramdam-sobrang saya ko ng mga oras at panahon na yun-yung tipong halos-ayoko na matapos pa ang oras na yun.


Yung mga kapatid ko, si kuya kahit na kamuntik ko pa yan mapatay nun,mahal na mahal ko parin yan-di ko din maitatanggi sa sarili ko na sobrang nagselos ako sakanya dahil mas mahal nya ni mama pero ayus lang siguro yun-naintidhan ko-kase para kay mama ako-marunong na sa buhay-kaya si kuya alang ang lagi nyang binabantyan kase mas kelangan nya ng pagunawa ng isang magulang-kita mo ngayon nagbago na din si kuya at dahil yun sa nagmature na sya-at dahil din sa isang taong minahal at natutunan nyang pahalagahan pangalawa sa mama namin-yun ay si rona-

Si ate,sobrang idol ko sya-kahit naman nong bata pako gusto ko maging katulad ni ate, ewan ko ba pero pakiramdam ko mahal na mahal din ako ni ate,, laht kase ng hingin ko-ibinibigay nya-yun tipong parang ako pa ang mas mahalaga kesa sa ibang kapatid namin kaya naman lagi ko sya binabantayan-at pinoprotektahan, ayoko kase na me mangyaring masama sakanya-pinangarap ko na makatagpo sya ng isang prinsipe na magbibigay halaga sakanya-yung tipo ng taong hindi hindi sya iiwanan kahit ikamatay pa nya iyon- pero ewan ko ngayon-nadisapoint ako nng malaman kung......
kaya nagalit ako sakanya-mula non nagtanim nako ng galit sakanya at sa taong yun-ayoko na gann sya-lagi ko nga hinihintay na sana marealize nya na-di tama yun-na iba pala ang gusto nya at d ang taong yun-ayoko talga-ayoko-

at yung mga sumonod na kapatid ko-hindin hindi ko sila pababayaan-gusto ko kahit anoman mangyari-buo parin kami-gusto ko nga kahit me asawa na sila mga kpatid ko-nasa isang home town parin kami-natatakot ako na magkahiwa hiwalay kami-ayoko mangyari yun, ayko- ipagtatanggol ko sila hanggang kamatayn-sumpa man.. wala nako pakialam kung wala ng dumating na pagibig sakin-ayoko din nun ee-gsuto ko para nalang sa kanila.

You’re Not An Angel Cause Your My Wings

Do you remember what I’ve told you before?

That you’re like a flower I’m afraid to pick.

That hard to find and hard to let go.

You know how much fear i overcome

When i start liking you.

I don’t know how to say this in a way that I hope you believe in me

I'm not god; I know it, so how can you believe me right?

But Yana, you know that you’re the only girl

That I compared to a flower.

A flower that has thorn to protect from the strangers

Whom trying to pick you and threw your gentle petals

For the long time that we still have a communication

I learned to care about you,

it started when i realize that

Even though the world left me alone,

I know deeply in my soul that I still have you

So i would like to make a promise for you

And its only for you Yana, so listen.

I promise to be here whether you need me or not, whether you felt cry o glad, or when you feel all alone, I will be your one and only companion in your world, I’m can't promise to give you the love that you really want to get but I will do my best just to be next to you. you’re the best gift that Jesus sent me from heaven-you’re not an angel cause your my wings-I can never fly without you, I don’t feel in heaven when you are with me cause I feel so much high even though your not here, and how I wish I could be an air just to go through with your body and hug you so much gently. lalala

To: Yanna Mae Fernandez

From:  Lee Wishh

HOW ANGELS SLEEP

Unsoundly. They toss and turn, trying to understand the mystery of the living. They know so little about what it's like to fill a new prescription for glasses and suddenly see the world again, with a mixture of disappointment and gratitude ... Also, they don't dream. For this reason, they have one less thing to talk about. In a backward way, when they wake up they feel as if there is something they are forgetting to tell each other. There is disagreement among the angels as to whether this is a result of something vestigial, or whether it is the result of the empathy they feel for the Living, so powerful it sometimes makes them weep. In general, they fall into these two camps on the subject of dreams. Even among the angels, there is the sadness of division.

Buhay ko to! Kaya Batas ko To!

->Di ko obligasyon na pilitin ang isang taong ayaw.
->Kesa makipagusap o sumama sa isang taong ayaw ko-mas gugustuhin ko pang maglakad lakad magisa.

->may mga taong makikitid ang utak,yung mga tao na kahit anong halaga o dami ng paliwanag mo-hinding hindi ka parin maintindihan

->Madalas nga talga na may mga taong pakialamero/ra o nanghihimasuk sa buhay mo-lalo na yung mga taong mahilig maghukay ng nakaraan-

(bat pa nga ba paguusapan-wala na yun diba-tapos ano iisipin nya na apektado ka pa-nakalimutan na nga kaya di na binabanggit ee tapos ipipilit pa nya sayo-ano gusto nya tumakbo ka paatras?)

->Minsan yung tao alam na nga na mali-magtatanong pa kung ano ba yung nagawa nya-
(anong paliwanag pa ang gusto nyang marinig?yung mga salitang mas masasaktan sya?)
->Mas gugustuhin ko pang matulog buong hapon kesa naman makinig sa mga kwento mong di naman talga nangyayari sa totoong buhay.<-hek ->Hindi ako matalino,kung me mali ka man na nakikita o napapansin sakin-sabihin mo-pero wag ka maghintay ng kung anong komento galing sa bibig ko-kase alam mo na ang sagot dun-natanong mo nga ee sigurado me iniisip ka din na posibleng sagot ko.

->yung mahal mo-kesa naman magkwento sa ibang tao na me taong nagmamahal at nakikiusap sayo para lang mahalin mo sya-di nalang ako magsasalita

->wag kang matakot magkamali at masaktan-kase yung mismong pagsilang sayo-ginagawa ka palang iniisip na ng iba na isa kang pagkakamali-at dun nasaktan ang magulang mo.diba?

->oo wala akong kaibigan-mas gugustuhin ko pang magpanggap na me kaibigan kesa naman magkaron ng mga sinungaling na tropa.

A Boring Day with A Stupid Things

Everyday of my life,i only live just to GET UP-WORK-SLEEP-and then repeat. I wonder how i used to live in almost everyday like this. A feeling of nothing, seen nothing,and hear nothing, it's like i'm the only man who lived here in my own world,but i guess this is what i want,people dont blame me for acting like I-DONT-CARE,when i know that what i feel is what i ACT.but still people doesnt ever learned to understand me,maybe theres a few of them but i dont even know who are they. Everytime i go along with myself outside and stay nowhere to go,i feel like i'm invinsible.Those people who only see me are the people who used to live as a people but when i start to count them into with my fingertips theres still a few numbers of count i always have. I don't know why people disagree what i was about to talk or to speak. I speak what my mind tell me, i can share what my heart feels. i can't see those things i don't wana see,specially when it was all about nonsense or worthless. I know i'm a worse or a loser or whatever people call me but this is me,this is what i am and i can never change it. Love? what do you mean by love? i dont remember i was inlove by someone who just bring me the biggest mistakes in my life but i nver regret having this things. I'm immature, i'm fit like a skinny man walking alone in the street but this is me this is who i am. If you dont understand me, you never learned how to love me for who i am. When a morning comes i get up,and my thoughts works like a superman in the sky,i'm not a genius to make all people answer the stupid questions that even them doesnt ever know. Yeah i know i'm stupid and you dont have to talk to me again-A phylosopy man that doesnt even know how to say SORRY or how to make an apologize. This is the person,one of the god's creating mistakes. If you dont like me-i will actually think you doesnt exist at all- I love talking to strange people its like those things make me feel so much excited,i dont know but when i talk to them i feel so boastful, i can pretend, i can act as if im a winner,as if im a great and as if i dont have any sins or mistakes at all.What a boring day right? Walk alone, go to the market and then buy my own food,i dont have friends to have and feel a good band with them,i with myself,always and forever, i dont wanna teach people to understand me,to love me or to please just to be with me-if they doesnt like me i dont care-.

Depression Thoughts

I just think that all you people need someone to be there for you when you wana cry and everyone of u shud get help....because every single one of u were born 4 a reason...not to jst die wen u wana die...you die when ur supposed 2 die....when thingz get a lil bit tough u cant decide ur going to cut or something you have to pass it time will make you stronger...believing is the key....

I've learned that this darkness that seeks to consume my life is only sharing this body with me.  I will press on, sometimes like the living dead, because I have a right to try.  This is my life too and this depression cannot completely define me or I will cease to be.  Fight for your right to life; death will come in its own time.

one day youll wake up and wonder--isnt it someone missing?then youll shed a tear because you miss the emptiness.

Life is bad. It's just a bunch of aches and pains. When ever there is some good/happiness it's inevitable that it is going to end. I've resolved myself. I'm not going to  expect anything but the worst because it's inevitable. Why be caught by suprise by something you know isn't going to last. Don't be a fool, even if it does get better always know it will come to an end.

it hurts now and it will hurt more 2morrow, i will always have pain and feel sorrow...help me please im blinded by my tears and i just cant see so many devils tryna recycle my soul because where im from there's no possitive foe's.


Blue and white skies outside, blue and white pills inside. The sun is shinning outside, so why do I feel so dark inside?

he had killed me so i will kill him back  becouse it hurts' please help me before its too late.

Im scared of alot of things, but im not scared of the boogyman, the shadow or the thought of dying, the only thing im scared of, is rethinking how dumb i could be to do this to her...i loved her so much.

Life??? that is the true question...

I feel myself slipping more and more every year now. I don't know why i feel the way I do about myself. I just have so much hate in me towards myself. Why I ask myself many times, am I now happy with my life. I'm still waiting for the answer to this day. My past delt with my overcoming my epilpsy disorder which cause me to miss out on most of my life. Two years after the surgery were the toughest. I was glad not to be sick anymore, but yet i felt so empty and alone in this world. The few years after that things were good. I went back to school and am now working a nice job. But for some reason last year I suddenly felt the sadness slowly coming back. I feel that this time it is stronger than it every was before. I've spoken with my doctor and he just says that I have been putting to much on my plate and that i need to relax and try to enjoy life. Prehaps he's right, but Im starting to fear that this sadness may one day overtake me. Ive recently screwed up my relationship I had with a great girl. I think to myself alot as to why am I here, what is my purpose. I know that I have not completed my mission here since I have come close to death a few times but yet I still survived. I'll continue writing more later, I could probably write a book with all i have to say........ Life??? that is the true question...