Monday, February 6, 2012

The Pain that Kills my Everyday


It still hurt for me about everything in my past
Even though a months ago it was still there,still here.
And until now nothing will change and never be change.
The feeling inside of me will never be the same again.
I'm in love. yeah,for someone i never know who she is.
I'm in love with someone that never care for me anymore.

 
The pain was still here,and it never change.
It really hurts for me that everyday i'm dying inside.
I wanna be happy again-but the wound is still clear in my soul
Too much pain i tried to fight after all the things done.
That the best happen to me before are the worst moment i have to suffer.
I'm in love for someone that doesnt even care me at all.

 
The pain and too much scars i need to cover
That in every morning i wake up with so much regrets.
No one can come with me to tell that she loved me more.
Nothing can be celebrate about a monthsary or aniversary.
The time that i spend so much for her was all done now.
That the time i have to recieve can never replays,anymore.


The pain was still kills me inside my soul
My body is like a drunk man that poison by somebody else
The person that i didnt even know about,dont know.
And it take me millions of pain enter in my souls.
But even if the pain kills me i am still fighting,i do.
Fighting for the no reason to be win for..

Someday I'll Find my Perfect Escape


I was here lying in my bed all alone.
Listening for the quiet music Ive never been hear.
I am here so close again waiting for the morning after dark.
Thinking about everything that i know it never come

And I know it will never happen again
Because people dragging me down
People disagree,
People disapprove,
People doesn't have care at all

They didn't know what i am waiting
Nobody understand what i am supposed to tell.
Things change just like how people do,
I suddenly close my eyes with tears
Remembering all those memory brings me into a cruel life,

The pain that never erase inside my soul,
Those heartaches that i wish I'm dead to take it out from me,
A year ago,
a month,
thousands of yesterday,
the past hours,
the minutes,
and the seconds of the life.

I know now that life is imperfect
And the world seems so unfair
I promise to myself
Someday I'll find my perfect escape,
It's true that if you really wanted to get something you want,

You have to learn to sacrifice,
to get hurt,
to be in pain,
and to let your life have Scars
and the wound shall be allowed to heal,
but life seems so unfair,that's why people judged lord,
and ask for everything to be perfect even if everybody know

Nobody is perfect,
I am twenty but i am very disappointed to myself,
Disappointed for everything who seen by my eyes,
I hold my head and promise everything,
I promise someday I'll find my perfect escape,

The perfect place where no ones feel the pain,
No time that need to be wasted,
No wounded can have scars,
No people with teary eyes,
It's a perfect place to me,

It's perfect room where i always stay everyday of my life,
The place where i can find the next door of my life,
The door that we can knock someday and leave behind,
It's  gone now,
Everything is gone forever.
Love dies,Memories are fade and people die.

A Life of Being Weak


It was a tuesday when i got in our school,
I'm wearing stripes long sleeve with chaleco,
wearing eyeglasses,
The hair that never brush after waking up in the morning
But it looks weird and everybody looked at me
While i am still around-a vans shoes
And i domo kun back pack.
I am look so emo or just like korean guy
But i swear i may inspired taking photos like how uzzlangs pose
I'm a frustrated model of myself of my own arts
And my own magazine.funny ryt?but if you saw me,
You will see a sad face drawed in my face-a mask
And a reaction where nobody read and nobody understand.
I swear i am weird all th time that i speak time to time
Those wierd words or trashtalks
That why most of the people doesnt even try to talk to me
Or ask anything-expect some phylosophical answer from my words.
I had a wide mind,i'm not smart o a genius lets just say-
I speak what my brains told me.
My mum is always busy with her business-
A lot of business thats why she didnt have time
To check wheather im still there or im lost again-
My father is a servant from my mothers justice-
Whenever i am alone in my room-i just stay inside-
Lock the door,
Listening to the BLUE OCTOBER and JAMESTOWN STORY songs-
While writing peotry or sketching.
I act as if im emo but i am not totally emo-
Whenever i feel sad and disgusted with myself-
I feel relax-didnt want eat,
Didnt want to see people around me,
Didnt want to listen
Or heard noise sounds,
Or see pethetic one-
I dont like everybody-
I dont want everyone to be with me-
I just wanted to be needed
By someone who didnt ever know me.

I've Learned For What....

I've learned that we don't have to change friends,If we understand that friends change.

I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words, it may be that last time you see them.

I've learned that we are responsiable for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I've learned that either you control your attitude, or it controls you
.
I've learned that my best friend and I , can do anything or nothing and still ahve a good time.

I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you are down, will be the one who helps you get up.

I've learned that sometimes when i am angry i have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them too, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of expirences you've had and what you learned from them, and less to do with how many years you have lived.

I've learned that it isin't always enough to be forgiven by others, but sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I've learned that just because two people argue, doesn't mean they don't love eachother. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do love eachother.

I've learned that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secrect, it may change you life forever.

I've learned that sometimes the people that you love most in lfe, are taken from you too soon.

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved, and the rest is up to them.

I've learned that no matter how much i care, some people just dont care back.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and just seconds to destroy it.

I've learned that it's not what you have in life, but who you have that counts.

I've learned that you can keep going, long after you think you can't.

I've learned that their are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it.

I've learned that even when you feel you have no more to give, a friend cries out and you find the srenght to help.

I've learned that our backgrounds and circumstances may have influenced our lives, but we are responsiable for who we become

She Left me The Biggest Thing I Ever Wanted


There was a girl, who i really crush before,It was when we are in the freshman college in the University,I don't think she will be like me too-but i swear, in her great perfect smile with a dimples,damn,i was really attracted with her,it was the orientation for the class beginning it was her with her classmates,maybe.she's wearing a red blouse and a jeans with headband in her hair, i think it was very fit to her dim color. And if she start to smile, i was feel so paralize, I don't know why,but there is always keep me smile too  and her smile give me a thousands butterfly in my stomach.Sarcastic right,but i swear,i like her. Then she start to speak with her friends, saying; " theres a guy i hate-he hit me and he never ask an apologize.shit!"and even when she get mad-shes really beautiful,her eyes full of wisdom and her voice is like an anghel who i nver know before.



I'm feel obsessed with her ad it will take me to be her stalker,haha everytime i go to school i walked near in her room and waving m hand to her.even if shes not looking at me. And mybe shes one of the reason why i always go to school late,because she always lates everytime in their class. One day we both late and its unexpectedly moment,we are in a staires and she saw me,she look at me and smile, i stop and my heart beat fast,and then she start to say "HI" to me, i feel deaf,and her voice was really amazing.I love it when she talk and smile,and her eyes wink at me,i am dead. then she run to go to her room-i was stock in the staires thinking and imagining what she left me-she left me the biggest thing i ever want.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

[G-A-L-I-N-S-A-B-A-N-G-S]

  • matuto kang kumatok-dahil hindi lahat ng pintuan naka-lock.

    kung gugustuhin mo lang-magiging masaya ka naman talga-ayaw mo lang paniwalaan ang sarili mong kakayahan.

    bakit puro nalang yung taong mahal mo ang iniisip mo-baka dumating yung araw na-kailanganin mo ang tulong ng iba tao-yun lang-wala na sila-kase nung ngmahal ka-KINALIMUTAN MO SILA.

    dadating yung araw na matututunan mong mabuhay ng wala na sya-at di na sya kasama sa mga pangarap na binuo mo-pero di naman ata dadating yung araw na-makakalimutan mong magmahal-kaya wag mong sabihin na-MANHID KANA.

    pano mo naman malalaman kung mahal ka talga nya-ee di mo nga sinasabi-ano hinihintay mo?katapusan?

    kung pagiging makitid ang paiiralin mo-hindi mo malalaman kung nakagawa kanaba ng tama kung ang pinagpapatuloy mong gawin ee-pilitin syang mahalin ka.

    kitang kita naman na-hindi ka nya mahal-pero ano ginagawa mo-pinipilit mo parin at isinisiksik sa sarili mo na-MATUTUTUNAN Ka din nyang mahalin"kahit alam mong-GINAGAWA NYA ANG LAHAT NG MAKAKAYA NYA HINDI PARA SAYO KUNDI PARA SA TAONG MAHAL NYA."


Hanggang ngayon hindi ko parin maipaliwanag kung bakit ganito ang nararamdaman ko yung tipong bigla bigla nalang ako nalulungkot-yung bigla bigla nalang ako nagagalit-gustong gusto ko kumain pero nawawalan ako ng gana-hayst-ang hirap at di ko ito maintindihan kahit na anong pigil ko pa dito-naiisip at pumapasok parin sa isap ko ang lahat ng nangyari sa buhay ko na ako lang at siya lang mismo ang nakakaalam. ayoko na maging malungkot- gusto ko lang naman maging masaya-nagseryoso ako-ang tagal ko naging masaya-ang tagal ko naghintay at umasang magsasama din kami balang araw-nagmahal ako-naging tapat ako sa nararamdaman ko-pero bakit-bakit sa gitna ng kaligayahan saka nalang biglang nawasak ang lahat- yung buong mundo ko na para pang mga paru paru sa buong paligid ng katawan ko ee nagliaparan at tila nawala nalang bigla-nakakaiyak-gusto ko manghina pero kinakaya ko-gusto ko sumigaw dahil sa sakit na naradaman pero ang hirap magpanggap kahit na ano pa ang gawin kong pagiwas sa sarli ko ang sabihin sa lahat na okay lang talga ako-hindi parin-walang silbi-kase ang sakit parin talga ang nararamdamn ko-mahirap maging sawi-at yung taong mahal na mahal ko ee wala at hindi naman pala talga ako kilala-masama ba magmahal-bakit laging napupunta sa punto na liligaya ka at bigla kang maiiyak-hindi dahil sa kaligayah kundi sa sakit at kirot na dulot ng pagiging sawi mo sa isang taong hindi ka naman kahit kelan nakilala-nasinubngaling siya at dahil dun unti unti mo ng nararamdaman ang pagkbiga mo sa sarili mo-kahit na marami na ang naglabasan na mga taong mamahalin ka naman mas pa sa pagmamahal na ginawa sayo dati-wala parin dahil iba aprin ang hinahanap mo-masakit at hindi ko kayang tanggapin sa sarili ko na-ang sakit ang pakiramdam na nararanansa ko sa buong buhay ko ngayon-ewan ko ba kung bakit ganito-masama talg ako kaya hanggang ngayon kinakram parin ak-nagisnungaling din naman ako nung una pero ngtapat din ako in btween pero bakit ganun parin-nasaktan lang ako at napunta sa wala ang lahat-parang tanga lang kase nangangarap pala ako sa isang taong kahit kelan ay hindi mapapasakin-parang tapos na ang buhy ko pero bakit ko nga ba tatapusin ang buhay ko kung wala naman ako mapapala-tapos sasabihn nya sakin na-bakkit hindi nalang sya ang mahalin ko-pano pa ba-ano pa ang maibibigay kong pagmamahal na ibinuhos ko ng klahat sa nakaraang taong pinabuhusan ko nito..ang sakit sobrang sakit ang nararmadman ko ngayon.at kahit sino wala man lang ako mapagkwentuhan-may mga taong kaibiga nga wala namang oras para unawain ka-wala talgan silbi ang mbuhay sa mundo-kahit gumw ka ng tama magiging masama ka pa rin int end.pero kahit papano sumaya ako pero sana siguro hindi ko nalang inalam na ganun lang pala yun-sana hinayaan ko nalang na-maging masaya kahit sa kabila nun ay puso lang kasinungalingan.pero ang hirap.maraming tao talga sa mundo ang hindi mo mauwnawan at kahit pa anong pilit ang gawin mo hinding hindi mababago ang kanilang mga isip-ngbabago nga ang mga tao-pero-kahit nga masakit-okay lang sa kanila-kahit magmukhang tanga sa huli-atyus lang kase yugn kaligayahan ang sinusunod nila at hind yung kalalabasan ng lahat ng paghihirap na alam nila in the end wala ring silbi-pero bakit nga ba ganun- kung kelan nagiging masaya kana-dun naman sasktan ka ng pabigla bigla.. kung patuloy pa akong mabubuhay sa isang kasinungalingan pano pa ba ako totong magiging masaya-kahit pa anong sabihin nila-yung pakiramdam na sinasabi nila na mahal ka nila pero hindi mo maramdamn-parang wala ng epekto-siguro kase dahil sa nangyari sa buhy ko pagkatapos ng lahat-hayst..

part 2:
-mula ng mawalan ako ng gana sa pagmamahal-laging hindi ko na hawak ang phone ko-hindi nako masyado nagloload-pero bakit hanggang ngayon ee humihingi ka parin ng pagmamahal pagkatapos ng lahat ng ginawa mo sakin-oo minahal din kita noon-pero hindi yun yung pagmamahal na dapat kung dalih npang habang buhay-i was plyaed byt that time at hindi ko alam kung ano ang ginagawa ko-basta ang alam ko masaya ako sa buhay na walang kaseryosohan yung ang iniisip ko lang lagi ee yung trabaho ko at kung pano ako magiging matagupay sa lahat ng bagay at mga pngarap ko'.pero hindi ee-ang pagibig pa ang naghadalang sa mga pangarap ko na unti unti ko ng nabubuo-at ang nkakinis pa dun ee.

par3
-ang hirap maging mahirap-para bang nagtatrbaho ako sa isang bagay na wala naman patutunguhan pero hindi ee-kase ginagawa ko nman ang lahat ng makakaya ko-ang hina ko kaya kaya naman laging walang napapala.. 
to be continued....


May isang babae na gustong gusto ko.
Hindi ko alam kung bakit
Pero sa tuwing nakikita ko siya
Pilit na gumagalaw sa pagngiti ang aking labi.
Siya yung taong nagbibigay sigla sa buhay ko.
Kahit tinatamad ako pumasok-
pinipilit ko dahil alam kung makikita ko siya.
Sa tuwing nakikita ko siya sa loob ng klase.
Hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili ko
Kaya napapangiti ako ng walang dahilan.
Lalo na kapag mas ginugusto niya na tumabi sakin
Parang mamamatay ako sa bango ng buhok niya
At hindi ko alam kung ano ang gagawin
Sa paguwi gustong gusto ko siyang kasama.
Sa gabi tinitxt ko siya
At kahit nakakatanggap ako ng group txt galing sakanya
Okay lang,masaya nako kase nagtxt siya
Malamang naalala niya ako.
Kahit na di siya nagrereply sa mga txt ko
At kahit hindi niya sinasagot madalas ang tawag ko
Okay lang,pinansin niya parin ako
dahil nagawa niyang iOFF ang phone nya.
Masarap sa pakiramdam ang magmahal
Kahit na ba ang taong yung ee hindi ka mahal
Wala kang pakialam kahit tawagin ka pang baliw
Basta ang alam mo masaya ka na nakikita siya araw araw
Bigla ako natuwa ng minsan siyang lumapit sakin
Sabi niya-gusto ko kumain ng rebisco na galing sayo.
Kaya binili ko siya ng rebisco
Araw araw kapag papasok ako ng skwela may dla akong rebisco
At gustong gusto nya yun nararamdaman ko.
Napapangit siya sa tuwing iniaabot ko sakanya yun-
Sa mga ngiting yun-parang nahihimatay na naman ako.
Ganun ko siya kagusto
Napakalambing niya kase.
kapag magkasama kami
Nakayakap siya sa kamay ko
Habang hawak ko ang payong para sakanya.
Hinihila niya ang ilong ko hanggang sa mamula ito
At ang pinakamasayang ginagawa namin
Yung tumatakas kami sa iba naming mga kamagaral para lang kumain sa labas na kami lang dalawa
Ang saya ko talaga at hulog siya ng langit sakin
Sa ganuong paraan natuto ako makontento
kahit na ba walang namamagitan saming dalawa
kamagaral-yan lang ang turingan namin.
At sa tuwing magkacutting class kami
Nagpupunta kami sa TOMS WORLD
at dun kumakanta kaming dalawa
Kahit mapagalitan ako ng papa ko
Dahil madalas gabi na ako umuuwi
Okay lang,basta nakasama ko ang taong nagpapasaya sakin.
Gusto ko siya-at di ko alam kung gusto niya rin ako.
Minsan tinatawag niya akong bato-
pero hindi ko alam kung bakit.
Malamang matigas ang aking palad
Hindi pa kami naghoholding hands
Pero minsan nya ng naramdamn ang palad ko
Dahil sa madalas na pagkurot ko sa pisngi niya
At sa minsang isang araw na hiniram ko ang phone nya
Nagulat ako dahil me litrato siya na ako at siya.
Sumigla yung araw ko ng mga oras na yun
Hindi ko maipaliwanag kung bakit
Sabay biniro ko siya-BAKIT ME PICTURE TAYONG DALWA AA?"
Sabi niya-maganda lang daw kase yung kuha niya kaya itinago nya.
Okay lang kahit di niya sinabi na-maganda din ang kuha ko at naming dalwa.
Basta masaya ako dahil lagi kami magkasama
Hindi niya ako sinasaktan at di ko din siya sinasaktan.
Hanggang biro lang ang mga asaran na yun samin.
Pero isang araw nagalit siya at di niya ako pinansin
Hindi ko alam pero marahil ee dahil absent ako kahapon
Pero dahil sa rebisco-natuwa na naman siya at nagbalik kami sa dati
Ang saya at nakakapagpabuhay ng walang hanggang kapag kasama ko siya.